Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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