The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
