I accidentally had phone sex last night
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
