I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
