yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
