She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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