Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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