i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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