I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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