I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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