I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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