Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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