I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
