i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dear god my vagina.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
