we're blogging at a bar
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
