Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
