He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
