yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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