The maid of honor just puked.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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