Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
