The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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