Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
