He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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