I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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