You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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