Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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