Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
