i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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