I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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