Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
