I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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