Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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