Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
