You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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