Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
