she woke up with a sticky ear
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
