Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
