i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
