Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
