You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
false alarm, still single
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
