She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
