i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
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I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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