Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We are all done wearing pants today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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