He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
