Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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