whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
