I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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