I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
