Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
