Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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