Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you will always have a special place in my vag
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
