they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
