You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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